i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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