His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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