dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
