The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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