Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
