wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
