i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
