Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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