There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
