you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
