we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You pole danced in your parka.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize