I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i think i just lost a toe
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
