New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
