Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
