You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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