i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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