i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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