She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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