you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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