We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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