it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God, I missed his penis.
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