everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
