He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
