Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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