If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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