I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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