I think I just saw someone hide a body.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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