TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
