I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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