I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
