We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
