I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
