Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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