If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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