farters have to be the big spoon...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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