Just cropdusted the office
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
