my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
