That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
not ubering you a puppy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
