he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
