My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
