can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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