It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
