her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize