id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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