he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
