i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
