I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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