sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
