She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
