Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
