There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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