What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
