yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize
