Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
