hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am naked and annoyed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
