so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
