she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
