I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
