they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I just sharted jello shots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
