I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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