Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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