This is not my ceiling
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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