dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
