I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You work out of a Hotel?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
