i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
