I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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