Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
