Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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