If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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