he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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