i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
