I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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