WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
