heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
