He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
