It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
