I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize