Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
