How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
