Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize