Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
either way he was missing a nipple.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
