I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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