I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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