he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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