I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize