I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
