She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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