East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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