I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
