Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
