I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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